What I am Working On

Many of you who have been reading this blog know that I have experienced infertility in my life and have struggled greatly with it.

What you may not know is that I have recently started writing an e-book (The picture of the right is the cover) that I plan on sharing through this blog about my story of infertility.

Here’s a glimpse into my book:

 So, I went to the hospital and had a dye procedure performed to see if my fallopian tube was open or closed. I was pre-medicated to ease any pain and discomfort I would feel. However, the pre-medication did not give me ease! This was a very painful test for me.

I was lying on a cold metal bed, and the doctor got all the equipment where it was supposed to be, which did cause some discomfort. However, that discomfort was nothing compared to the pain I felt when they put in the dye. That was a very painful amount of time. And, I’m sorry I can’t tell you how long it was, it felt like several minutes, but it may have been several seconds.

During this time, I nearly passed out on the bed from the pain, they had to put a wet cloth on my head and coach me to breath. Though I don’t really remember much other than the pain, I do remember the doctor saying, “Oh, well that’s not normal.”

Finally, after they stopped inserting dye and took all the equipment out, I sat up and heard from my doctor. She told me that she was very sorry to tell me this, but my fallopian tube was completely closed and definitely underdeveloped.

She asked me if I wanted to pursue reproductive assistance of any kind. I said no, that Michael and I are not interested in continuing any further done this path. We would start to heal from the hurt of infertility and then pursue adoption, this was something that we had decided together through the past three years, if this time came.

My doctor them helped me off the bed and pointed me to the bathroom to change into my clothes. She let me know that I could take all the time that I needed.

I’m not sure how long I was in the bathroom, but I allowed myself to grieve and express the hurt that I felt. I didn’t expect myself to be so upset, but in those moments in that bathroom, I literally cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.

I went home, called my husband and let him know the results, and then I fell asleep. I was very sore from the test and literally just drained, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I slept until the next day.

I look forward to continuing to share excerpts from my book while I am working on finishing it.

*If you have experienced infertility, I would love to have you read parts of my book, as I finish it, and give me your feedback.