We are adopting. We’ve pretty much “been adopting” for the past 3 years, while we work through processes, having disruptions, waiting for things to fall in to place, and waiting for God’s timing.
Sometimes the waiting is harder than other times. Sometimes it hurts when people don’t ask about our process, because we’ve been waiting so long. I imagine that they either have given up on the idea of the reality of our adoption or are tired of asking or are worried that it will make us upset when asked about it.
The reality is, it is hard, this waiting thing. I’m not going to lie.
It. is. hard. to. wait.
Today, I’m writing this post. And, as I typed this previous line tears formed in my eyes and rolled down my face. It happens sometimes. What can I say?
This particular week, my husband interviewed for a job, heard that he didn’t get offered another job from an interview last week, submitted his resume to probably ten job openings, I got sick, I’m still sick, our house is a mess, I’m feeling overwhelmed by life in general, I got my feelings hurt by someone close, I’ve been dealing with some previous feelings hurt over the past couple of weeks from those “someone close” people, and it all just feels too much. Therefore, the tears come.
This waiting thing, it drains you. It takes, and takes, and takes. It puts you so close to the edge, that it doesn’t take much to push you off. Then, you are struggling. You are questioning. You want to give up.
But, even though the tears are still flowing down my face slowly and I’m blowing my nose (’cause I’m sick), I still know that it’s all ok.
It’s ok because I don’t need to be well. I don’t need my husband to have a new job. I don’t need children. I have what I need. I have the reminder of better things to come.
I have Jesus. I have the hope that one day He will wipe away each tear from my face.
On these kind of days, when it feels too much. I cling to Him. I find my rest in Him. He lets me hand my burdens over and He carries them on His shoulders. He gives me a break. He gives me grace. He gives me everything I need to keep going, keep hoping, keep counting on Him.
Today, I’m going to be still. I am going to reflect on God. I am going to hand over my burdens. I am going to let Him do His mighty work in my life. I am going watch and marvel. I know that He has plans for my life, and I have faith that those plans will come one day and they will blow me away!
For now, I am waiting. And, I am going to be still and trust.
Question for you:
Why is it so hard to be still?
This post is part of my 31 Days of Waiting series. Read all the posts in the series here.
It’s hard to be still because the world around us is busily moving, luring us in, while our Savior asks us to rest in His mighty quietness. It’s hard to be still because I feel like there is something I should be doing to fix my own problems instead of laying them at the Throne.
Yes, the world moves so fast!!! And yes, the control thing! The “I fix it myself.” I know that!!!
Thanks for stopping by today, Amy!
Why is it so hard to be still?
Because our flesh wants to constantly be at work fixing, or making things happen. We forget that we serve, and live for a Sovereign God and He is totally in control. We don’t need to fix or make things happen, He does it all. And in that we can rest. PTL
BTW ~ I had sent you a personal email letting you know how similar our waiting is. Well we are waiting no more, we found out that our application to foster was denied. We are heartbroken, but look forward to seeing what His grander plan is for us. God bless you Ashley!
Your words are right on Lisa!
My heart is breaking with you! I’m so sorry. I will be praying for comfort and for God to reveal His plans to you.
[...] a big “click” moment. I have memorized Psalm 46:10 before. Of course, I focused on the “be still and know” instead of the “I am God.” [...]