This is a lie. No one has it all together…especially when you’re waiting or in the midst of a trial. It’s okay to show that you are struggling. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to show that you have weaknesses.
I got a gentle reminder of this while reading through Grace for the Girl* recently. Here’s a quote from Deb, a recovering good girl (from the chapter titled Can’t Fall Apart):
I’m always the strong one, the one who helps. I don’t think people assume I’m struggling. Ever.
I hear her heart above, loud and clear. Probably because I echo those words in my own heart, it’s how I feel most of the time too. I’m usually the one who keeps it together for others (especially in my extended family). I’m the one who they can count on. This is exhausting and makes me feel like breaking down even more. It makes me feel like I cannot show my weaknesses because it would make them falter all the more. They need someone to count on…
However, I’ve learned this truth, I cannot hold my own world together while helping other’s hold theirs together as well, especially when mine is a little shaky. Here’s what I’ve learned, the hard way, the “I’m about to have a mental breakdown” way: It’s okay to need help.
© Rebecca Abell | Dreamstime.com
This is something I have always struggled with. Having it all together. And feeling responsible to help others get it together and keep it together.
Ladies, I do not have it all together! Not at all. Last week, my husband and I had an argument. Today (and every day lately), I’m catching up on the pile of dishes abundant on my sick and counters. Sometimes, I don’t shower for several days. See? I do not have it all together. I think it’s safe to assume that neither do you.
So, why do we act like this? Why do we tell everyone we’re “fine,” even if we’re not?
I still have a lot to learn, and honestly I don’t have all the answers yet.
However, here are some practical ways that I’ve been working on to fight this mentality in my own life:
- Commit to end the act of having it all together. Just stop. Right here. Right now.
- Pick a friend that you’re close with and choose every day to be authentic with them. Open up. Bare your soul. Share your heart.
- Cast your cares on the Lord. Constantly. Every. Day. Every. Hour. Every. Minute.
- Once you cast your cares on the Lord, allow Him to give you rest. Cling to Him.
Here’s One More Thought
I love the words to JJ Heller’s song Your Hands, “When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands.” We are in the hands of the Lord and He is always constant and never changing.
He is the only One we can always count on and He has it together so that we don’t have to.
Question for you:
What are some other ways that we can end the act of “having it all together” and be more authentic with people?
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This post is part of my 31 Days of Waiting series. Read all the posts in the series here.
