Note: I pray that you had a blessed holiday season! A lot has happened since I last wrote: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Celebration, and my Birthday! During this time, it was wonderful to not feel the pressure of keeping up with this space. I had time to prayerfully consider how to move forward on this site, if at all…I started this blog post in November. It conveys exactly how I feel right now.

I listen to her words at Replenish Your Soul. She shares honestly about how she learned to let go of high expectations she had placed on herself. These expectations were not commandments, or must-do items, or requirements by any means. Rather, these expectations were high standards she had placed on herself, without taking a second thought. These were things that created feelings of guilt when she didn’t perform how she would have liked or found time to do all that was on her to do list.

I type words into the chat box. I write that so much of the guilt I feel in the day to day is self-induced.

It comes from high expectations that are not expectations at all – rather desires.

It comes from making a freedom into a rule.

It comes from creating legalistic notions in my head.

I must cook dinner – homemade – every night.
I must keep my house sparkling clean.
I must jump back from a week-long cold and catch up on everything when hours.

Here’s another one.

I must blog at least three times a week.

Guess what?

I’m letting go of these faulty “requirements” that I have placed on myself.

Why, you ask?

I do not want to let good things take the place of the greatest thing or even other great things.

I am a child of God.

I am a wife.

I am an expectant mother.

I must keep my priorities in line.

After announcing my blogging break, I look at my editorial calendar…instead of titles filling the spaces, it is blank.

White space…

White space that I will not be filling. It will stay empty.

I think of the “white space” in my life. The margin.

I must have margin. I need margin. I need time to breath.

Five weeks ago, I felt like I couldn’t breath. Everything had piled up too high. It was crushing me…

So, I took a break from blogging. I removed myself from many of my commitments. I drastically let go of these high expectations I had placed on myself and made into “law.” You see, my self-constructed “laws” were taking my life.

I took time to prayerfully consider what the Lord would want me to do. Where He would like me to spend my time, especially since my life will be changing so drastically in the coming months (with our children joining our home, hopefully!).

I knew what the Lord wanted me to do. He wanted me to set some new “laws” in place. Rules that I can follow that would allow me to keep my priorities in line. Rules that I can follow to make sure that I am putting first things first. Rules that I can follow to make sure that I am not living in guilt of what I should be doing instead of being content with what I am doing. Rules that show how I want to live.

Therefore, I have created some new expectations for myself, as it relates to my blog:

I am a child of God and I need to start my day in my Father’s presence. I will not blog before I read my Bible. I will not tweet my words before reading His Word.

I am a wife and my husband is more important than my ministry. I will not spend time furthering my writing ministry when Michael is home, unless we have previously agreed for me to write during a special and specific time.

I am a soon-to-be mother and my children need my time and energy more than my blog. I will not open my computer to write or participate in social media while my children are awake, in my presence, and desiring my attention.

My space at home is more valuable than my online space. I will not blog when the dishes are piling on the counter or laundry is piling dirty or needing to be folded.

My words are more meaningful when I don’t force them to come out. I will not blog, just to blog, just to fill my editorial calendar. I will only blog when I feel that I have something to say, not just to fill white space.

I want to live my life with my priorities in line. Although I love writing and blogging, I do not want my writing to interfere with my greater priorities.

I don’t want to spend my life in front of the computer screen while the world spins around me. I don’t want to spend my time writing about life instead of living my life.

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What will this look like? There may be more white space on this site, more days when I don’t have something to share. That may be because I don’t have something to say. Or that may be because my life needs me more. It will also mean that when I write, you can count on the fact that my other priorities are taken care of. You will not be taking away from my husband, my home, or my children.